PaulJonesBlog.com

A carefully curated collection of crap.

I’m switching back to levothyroxine

After two years of taking natural desiccated thyroids (NDTs), I’m switching back to standard medication for hypothyroidism: levothyroxine. Read on to find out why. (If you want the TL;DR version, then here it is: I’m switching because I think my… Continue Reading →

Searching the dark web for levothyroxine

I have hypothyroidism and need to take medication for it every day. I usually get a prescription for levothyroxine from the doctor, but I want to know if there’s an easier or cheaper way. So I’m going to search on… Continue Reading →

The “Call (076) 888 8443” scam

I saw a dodgy pop-up today. I found its complexity beautiful. It was a work of art. In fact, I like it so much that I’m going to describe each aspect of it in obsessive detail.

How many rooms should an escape game contain?

This is a post I wrote for escaperoomblog.com, which was a website I planned to fill with posts about escape games. Kind of like an online magazine for escape rooms. However, I gave up on the project after writing just two posts. FML.

UV lights and UV paint in escape rooms

This is another post I wrote for escaperoomblog.com. This post is all about UV torches. Yay!

New laptop (2016)

No-one will care, but I bought a new laptop a few weeks ago. Yes, I BOUGHT A NEW LAPTOP! I’m getting hard just thinking about it. My penis always gets rigid when I buy a new laptop. I buy one… Continue Reading →

Schär Gluten Free Salti crackers review

Six years ago, I started a gluten-free and dairy-free diet. Since then, all my biscuits, pizza, pasta, bread, and cake have been shitty gluten-free imitations of actual food. Recently my girlfriend said I should put my expertise to good use… Continue Reading →

2016: My year in numbers

This post contains statistics about my year. Find out how much I spent, how many countries I visited, and even how many supermodels I slept with. (Spoiler: the answer to that last one was ‘none’.)

Where are the towns and dungeons in Lego Worlds?

I really really want to find towns, cities and dungeons in Lego Worlds. I don’t know why. I know it would make me orgasm all over my laptop screen though. At the time of writing this post, Lego Worlds is… Continue Reading →

I found Bigfoot in Lego Worlds

I’ve been playing the early access version of Lego Worlds for a couple of days and today I found Bigfoot. I’m excited, despite being a 29-year-old man. I googled “Lego Worlds Bigfoot” to see if anyone else has found him and… Continue Reading →

One second of every day of 2016

Here’s a vain and boring video of one second of every day of my life during 2016. (To be honest, I only recorded 249 days. I couldn’t be arsed to film any more.)

Shitty poem I wrote aged 9 about daffodils

Because it’s Christmas or something, here’s a shitty poem I wrote at the age of 9.

Beyond the Bookcase: Short story I wrote at the age of 9

Here’s a short story I wrote at the age of nine. I unwittingly wrote it in the style of Dan Brown: the sentences are clumsy and the plot doesn’t make sense.

Making a PDF from multiple image files

I have 38 PNG files that I need to merge into a single PDF. I’ve tried several ways so far and all have failed. Who knew such a basic task could be so complicated? Here’s the problems I’ve encountered so… Continue Reading →

Hargreaves Lansdown vs Legal & General – which is cheaper?

I invest in unit trusts through two brokers: Legal & General and Hargreaves Lansdown. But which is better? From a cost perspective, Hargreaves Lansdown is the winner. That’s because Hargreaves Lansdown offers the same unit trusts for a cheaper price…. Continue Reading →

My savings

As far as I know, my peers have no savings. They’re living paycheck to paycheck like that red-headed bitch from Friends. But not me. I’m a saver. I save mainly because I’m scared of being homeless. In fact, homelessness is… Continue Reading →

I wrote a Kindle ebook about a dystopian future with Trump as president

As featured on <a href=”http://web.archive.org/web/20170305224459/http://kindlecoverdisasters.tumblr.com/post/152900838455/we-can-only-hope-buy-it-here”>Kindle Cover Disasters</a>, “Hillary and Harambe save the world” is a book I wrote: The plot shows exactly what will happen if Donald Trump wins the election on November 9th. Using meticulously researched data, I demonstrate… Continue Reading →

Photos of graffiti in Montreal

Montreal is a special place. It’s dark, subversive, and yet gayer than a swan riding a rainbow. This is reflected in the city’s graffiti. Here’s some photos I took of graffiti in Montreal. I’ve divided it into six categories: creepy… Continue Reading →

Photos from previous Halloweens

I’m a fan of Halloween, but unfortunately I don’t have many photos to prove it. Here’s seven photos I managed to find.             That’s all until I can be arsed enough to write some original… Continue Reading →

Fuck off, The Retirement Shop – stop cold-calling me!

A company called The Retirement Shop keeps cold-calling me. I don’t like being cold-called, so now I’m calling you, The Retirement Shop – I’m calling you out for your annoying phone calls. They call me about twice a week. They seem… Continue Reading →

Fuck off, birthday notifications from Skype and Outlook Calendar

Recently Skype has been sending me notifications about people’s birthdays. I don’t give a shit about people’s birthdays and I don’t need Skype to remind me about them. Well, I found a way to turn off these reminders. In Skype,… Continue Reading →

Nara Dreamland DEMOLITION from Oct 2016 to Dec 2017

In this post I’ll provide news about the demolition of Nara Dreamland. Yes, that’s right – Nara Dreamland is being demolished. What happened? Afer the park closed in 2006, urban explorers could roam the decaying park to their hearts’ content…. Continue Reading →

Can I disable Aliexpress’s autotranslator? Answer: No

I like Aliexpress for two reasons: 1) it’s cheap like eBay, and 2) it has user reviews like Amazon. But what I don’t like about Aliexpress is its shitty automatic translations of reviews. Here’s some examples: the fabric Is gross It’s a… Continue Reading →

My favourite songs – Part 2

Once again I’m listing my favourite songs. They include the modern-day classic ‘Peanut Butter Jelly’, whose video features the braless beauty shown in the picture above. Excuse me while I drool a little…

Excerpts from my diary (2015-6)

22nd March 2016: I keep seeing groups of alpha males. They have perfectly coiffed hair and the kind of bodies that evolution has wet dreams about. In comparison I look like a chav planning to steal someone’s luggage.

Misremembered ramblings about Trudy’s Time and Place House

In the 90s, my friends liked Power Rangers, He-Men, and Thundercats. I liked an alligator in a pink dress. Her name was Trudy, and together we took LSD. The following is based on a true story. The events have been changed, but… Continue Reading →

Short stories by me and my siblings, circa 2003

Here’s three stories written by myself, my sister, and my brother, circa 2003. They’re parodies of franchises like Mario and Pokemon: franchises that are overbearingly upbeat, carefree, light, and fluffy. But don’t worry, because each story also has a hint of darkness… Continue Reading →

Humourous poll I made in 2003: Are YOU a religious nutter?

Hello. This is God speaking. Yes, I know, you didn’t expect God to be the host of this poll. Well I am, so there.

Video: This is not a touchscreen laptop

In 2013, I wanted to buy a touchscreen laptop. I searched and searched and searched but I couldn’t find one in my price range. And when I did find one I liked, I read a comment on Amazon that simply… Continue Reading →

My trip to Nara Dreamland, an abandoned theme park

During my three-month stay in Japan, I went to an abandoned theme park called Nara Dreamland. According to AbandonedKansai.com, the park opened in 1961, six years after the opening of Disneyland in California. The park’s castle was blatantly a rip-off of… Continue Reading →

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