There's a famous quote in The Godfather: "Show me a wallet and I will show you the man".*

A wallet is a modern-day swiss army knife. If you lose your wallet you become helpless, without money or an identity. You're basically Jason Bourne, with no memory of who you are or how you got there, but without the martial arts and ability to speak several languages.

My wallet is black. I like the anonymity of it - the defiant lack of style. I say this, but actually, it used to be covered in Tetris shapes, but these have almost been entirely worn away. There is only one piece remaining - a faint yellow triangle.

I bought the wallet from River Island for about £6, around 5 years ago. It's pretty worn - the inside pockets are unusable because they are torn. The outside feels vaguely like leather so maybe that's why it's in better shape than the inside.

I'll list the full contents of the wallet, without leaving out anything. Perhaps you will gain insight into the life of an idiot in his twenties.

Money

• A dollar coin, two dimes and a nickel, so a grand sum of $1.25. Enough to buy a night with Shane MacGowan.

Bank cards

• Scotia bank debit card. This is my main bank account. It has $4,690 in it. That's quite a lot and it's enough to buy you a night with any celebrity from Celebrity Big Brother.

• TD debit card. I closed this account so this card is useless. But I still carry the card around with me in case one day it suddenly becomes useful again, which it won't, because the account is permenantly closed. Still, though. Still.
• TD credit card. This is the only Canadian credit card I have. it's pretty useful; mostly for buying things online. It has a $500 overdraft, which you could use to buy a night of passion with comedian Johnny Vegas.

Membership cards

• Library card for Bilbliothèque et Archives National. I use it at the Grande Bibliothèque, which is a only a few blocks away. With it, I can take 15 books out.
• Swimming pool membership card for the lengthily-named Piscine de l'Association sportive et communautaire du Centre-Sud. It is the closest swimming pool to where I live. The annual membership costs just $15.

Reward cards

• Air Miles card. Whenever I shop in IGA, which is a supermarket in Canada, the cashier invariably asks me if I have an air miles card, so eventually I cracked and signed up for one. I have fifteen points, which is equivalent to fifteen air miles or $1.50. This might not sound like much but it's actually enough to buy a night with single person who has ever appeared on The Jeremy Kyle Show, including the titular Jeremy Kyle himself. You can also use it to save for air miles, but fifteen miles by plane would be a pretty short trip. The plane would crash into the ocean.
• 2 Scene cards. These are the reward cards for Cineplex cinemas. When you see a film you get 100 points, and with 1000 points you get a free film. On my scene card I have 18,442 points. The reason I have such an extravagant sum is that I was given 20,000 points for opening a debit account with Scotia bank, as a incentive. The other card is my girlfriend's. This is so I have her membership number so I can claim points for her when I book cinema tickets online.

Gift cards

• Dairy Queen gift card which was my prize for being voted Prom Queen at Blue Mountain. It has about $1.50 left on it.
• Opus card which allows me access to the metro and buses. It costs $77 a month. The card itself costs $6.

Identity cards

• Driving licence from England. It's useful to carry it around because it's the only acceptable form of ID that I have. Good for getting into bars, because obviously I still look under 18. 
• Social insurance number card, i.e. the SIN card. I only carry it around with me because I sometimes need to know what my social insurance number is. It's only a nine-digit number but I can never remember it.
• Work keycard, which allows me to get in and out of the office and to clock in and out.

Other stuff

• Receipt from my last visit to a restaurant called Zero 8. If I show it at my next meal,  I get $4.76 off.
• Receipt for a pillow from two days ago, which I meant to throw away.  
• $10 phone topup card. When the credit on my phone expires I will use this to top up my phone (in Canada, unused phone credit expires after a month). 
• Page from a notebook. On it is written two addresses. I visited both today. They are of apartments which are up for rent. Incidentally, my girlfriend and I have already chosen one of the apartments to rent.

*Not really. I just made it up.