I hate notifications. So you can imagine what I think of Windows notifications like these:
These notifications are called “Windows 10 Action Center notifications”. That’s because they only occur on Windows 10 and you read them in the Action Centre (it’s a message inbox you can bring up by pressing Windows key + A).
What do these notifications say exactly? Well, sometimes the notifications say there’s nothing wrong with my computer:
When this happens, I shake my head in disbelief. If Windows Defender has found no threats, then what’s the point of notifying me? Windows is basically informing me that there’s no news. It’s not a notification; it’s an anti-notification.
Other times, the notification says, “We found one or more settings that might affect battery life.”
Okay, so what are these settings? It turns out that the setting is Windows sleep mode:
Basically, I disabled sleep mode and now Windows is nagging me to switch it back on. Oh, fuck off Microsoft you nagging nanny bastards! It’s my computer and I’ll wear out my battery if I want to.
Sometimes there’s even a notification telling me to turn my screen brightness down.
Jesus Christ, Microsoft! Sometimes it’s sunny and I need to brighten my screen to compensate. Is that really such a crime?
The situation is a lot like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Here, Windows is the annoying boy and I’m the exasperated villager. “Wolf! Wolf!” Windows cries. I go running to see what’s going on, but it turns out nothing’s going on. Windows is just being an annoying, attention-seeking bastard.
I’m so sick of these pointless notifications that I want to disable them all indiscriminately. That means if a wolf (i.e. virus) comes along and infects my computer then I won’t know about it because I’ll have disabled Window’s notifications. But fuck it, because I think it’s a price worth paying.
I’ve tried different things to disable these notifications. I disabled Windows Defender notification icons in the Startup tab of Task Manager:
Another thing you can do is turn off “Get notifications from apps and other senders” in Notification & actions.
But I was still getting notifications about my battery. I scrolled down in Notification & actions and saw this:
That looks like the button to disable battery notifications – but the button was greyed-out!
I solved this problem though: You have to turn “Get notifications from apps and other senders” back on, and then the asshole button becomes available again:
I could finally turn off the notifications, but I’m still not sure if that’s enough. I’ll always be on edge in case that bloody notification box ever comes back.