I hate notifications. So you can imagine what I think of Windows notifications like these:
What do these notifications say exactly? Well, sometimes the notifications say there’s nothing wrong with my computer:
When this happens, I shake my head in disbelief. It’s more like an anti-notification. There’s no news, so what was the point of the notification in the first place?
Other times, the notification says, “We found one or more settings that might affect battery life.”
Okay, so what are these settings? It turns out that Windows simply wants to admonishish me for disabling sleep mode:
Oh, fuck off Microsoft you nagging nanny bastards. It’s my computer and I’ll wear out my battery if I want to.
Sometimes there’s even a notification telling me to turn my screen brightness down.
Jesus Christ, Microsoft! Sometimes it’s sunny and I need to brighten my screen to compensate. Is that really such a crime?
The situation is a lot like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. That’s because I’m so sick of these pointless notifications that I want to disable them all indiscriminately. If a wolf comes along and eats my villagers and destroyed my computer then fuck it, it’s a price I’m willing to pay.
I’ve tried different things to disable these notifications. I disabled Windows Defender notification icons in the Startup tab of Task Manager:
Another thing you can do is turn off “Get notifications from apps and other senders” in Notification & actions.
But I was still getting notifications about my battery. I scrolled down in Notification & actions and saw this:
The bloody button was greyed-out!
I solved this problem though: You have to turn “Get notifications from apps and other senders” back on, and then the asshole button becomes available again:
I could finally turn off the notifications, but I’m still not sure if that’s enough. I’ll always be on edge in case that bloody notification box ever comes back.