I recently bought tickets for a Lady Gaga concert. (My girlfriend’s idea, not mine). Ticketmaster haven’t mailed me the tickets yet and now I’ve moved address. This means I need to tell Ticketmaster the new address to send the tickets to. Simple in theory, but incredibly difficult (and annoying) in practice. I’ll show you every annoyance I encountered.
- “You have logged in from a domain that is not the home domain in your account.”
- 404 page not found error
- I couldn’t find the change address option
- Update Delivery Address box doesn’t work
- The Contact Us button opens an FAQ
- There’s a second Contact Us button on the same page
- Sometimes the Contact Us button goes missing
- The Contact Us button isn’t clickable
- Shitty annoying popups
- Dropdown box with only one option in it
- Another annoying popup box
- Ticketmaster wants my event name, event venue, event date…
- A third popup box
- The calendar keeps jumping around the page
- I entered my new address in the wrong place
- A fourth popup box!
- “Submit your question”
- A fifth popup box!!!ARGHGHH
- “Your Question has been Submitted”
First, when I logged into Ticketmaster.co.uk, I got this weird message:
I don’t care what my ‘home domain’ is – I booked the tickets through ticketmaster.co.uk, so just let me change my fucking address.
I clicked the ‘Go To Login’ button in the image above, and Ticketmaster gave a Page Not Found error.
I went back to Ticketmaster.co.uk and this time tried clicking Order History, which worked!
But I was still stuck, because there was no option to change the address. You would think there would be a simple “change delivery address” button but there wasn’t one. There was an option to “sell ticket”, which I was beginning to think was a good idea.
I found a box on the Customer Service page that says, “Update Delivery Address”. I had struck gold! Surely this was the option I had been looking for!
But when I clicked on the box, a wall of text appeared. Goddammit, I just want to change my delivery address, not read the fucking Iliad.
I skimmed the wall of text and found the relevant part. It read:
Just hit the Contact Us tab above, choose Change of Address as the category and be sure to fill in all of the fields. It’s really important that we have all of the info before we can update your order – just so we can be sure that we’re dealing with the cardholder.
Wait: “It’s really important that we have all of the info […] just so we can be sure that we’re dealing with the cardholder”. If I’m already logged in, then isn’t that enough? Does Ticketmaster want a DNA sample as well?
So I knew I had to find the ‘Contact Us tab’. I found what seemed to be it. It says ‘Contact Us’ so this must be it.
But when I clicked it, another another wall of text appeared! Oh god no!
By the way, at the very top, it says:
97% of our customers usually find the answers they need without having to contact us.
I think that’s a lie. It’s really “97% of our customers give up before managing to contact us.”
This part really tickles my bacon: it turns out I was meant to click a different Contact Us button on the same page.
Jesus H Christ. So there’s two boxes that say ‘Contact us’ and only one is the real one. This is turning into the quest for the holy grail.
Usually the Contact Us button is near the top of the screen, like here:
But right now, as I’m writing these words, the buttons look like this:
So where the hell is the Contact Us button? I have no idea where it went. To find the answer, I looked at the page source. It turns out that the Contact Us button is still there in the code, but now it has a class called ‘oculted’, which I suppose means ‘hidden’.
So do Ticketmaster just hide the contact button when they don’t want to deal with customers anymore?
When the Contact Us button was visible, I tried to click it but nothing happened (see Figure 1). That’s because you have to click on the words contact us (as in Figure 2). Clicking on the box around the text does nothing.
But when you hover your cursor over the box, it turns blue, implying that you can click it. Fucking hell, who coded this site? A bunch of retarded monkeys??
The website asks me to “Select a Topic”. Fair enough. So I selected “Change of Address”. But as soon as I did this, an eager popup appeared called “INSTANTS FAQS”. The popup contained unhelpful links such as “How do I change the address on my order?”
First of all, I already read the FAQ, so I already know how to change my address. Secondly: instants? With an s? So Ticketmaster is breaking the rules of English grammar now?
The next dropdown box is pointless as it only has one option in it. So why not just get rid of this box altogether?
Suddenly another INSTANTS FAQS popup box appeared.
That’s two popup boxes now. Another shitty thing is that the second popup box blocks the view of the next part of the form:
Next the form wants to know my booking reference, which is fair enough. But it also wants to know the event name, the event venue and the event date! Surely Ticketmaster should be able to find this information from the booking reference?
When I tried to enter the Event Name, another INSTANTS FAQS popup box appeared. This one said, “Why can’t I print off my Ticketfast tickets?” Well, I don’t know. Is it because your website is shit?
This one really tickles my bacon, and not in a good way. To enter the event date, you have to choose it from a calendar. But here’s the hitch – when you change months, the calendar jumps across the screen like a kangaroo! Yes, the calendar moves when you change months. You’ve got to keep moving your cursor around like you’re playing Duck Hunt.
Earlier, I had to fill in my new address:
Well, it turns out I was supposed to enter my old address here, not my new address. I only know this because there’s a section further down called “New Address Line Details”:
So now I have to scroll back up the frikking form to enter my old address.
The last box says ‘Question’. What question? I’m not asking a question, I’m trying to change my address. Perhaps the question is “Why is this site so shit?”
When I tried to fill in the ‘Question’ box, another one of the motherflipping INSTANTS FAQS boxes appeared. Ticketmaster must really want you to read the FAQs, probably to lighten the burden on their customer support team. But ironically the FAQ just directs me back to this contact form.
The submit box says SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION. Again, what bleeding question??
I clicked SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION and another popup box appeared! It said BEFORE YOU CONTINUE, DO ANY OF THESE HELP? No they don’t bloody help so just fuck off back to hell and let me submit the form you cunt.
And finally, after almost breaking my sanity, Ticketmaster breaks the rules of capitalisation:
I’ve never seen such a shitty and annoying website before in my life. It’s 2017 – surely by now, a big company like Ticketmaster would have a respectable website, and not this fucking crap?