Toys R’ Us “Magical Place” advert from 1989

I have a sad life that includes watching television adverts from my childhood. Today I’m watching a Toys R’ Us advert from 1989.

The advert begins with a car driving to Toys R’ Us. But for some reason the road has no street lights. This Toys R’ Us is in the middle of nowhere. From a business point of view, it’s a poor choice of location.

We see the road from the driver’s perspective, as if we ourselves are the driver. But surely if we can drive a car then we’re too old for toys? This advert is already full of plotholes. Just like the road is full of potholes.

We arrive at Toys R’ Us.

The store looks open, but it’s actually closed. Well that’s no surprise, since it’s nighttime. Inside, an anthropomorphic giraffe and his team of child laborers are restocking the shelves.

Yep, Toys R’ Us use child labour. They use a lot of children too, judging from all the kids in this advert.

The worst thing is that a giraffe supervises the children. No adult supervision; only giraffe supervision. Sure, the giraffe can reach the top of tall shelves, but it would also panic in the event of a fire and trample the kids to death.

Also, I’m unsure if the giraffe has the mental abilities required to restock the store correctly. Maybe that’s why the toys in Toys R’ Us are always on the wrong shelves.

The kids look happy though. It just goes to show that you can still have fun if you’re a child slave. Kids in slavery, take note.

The most important question is: What does the lady sing at the end of the advert?

  • “There’s millions of Geoffries all under one roof.”
  • “There’s millions of starfish all under one Jew.”
  • “There’s millions so let’s eat a wonderful poo.”

I contacted the singer, Mumblina Mumblelot. She told me the correct lyric is:

“There’s millions,” says Geoffrey, “all under on roof.”

Mystery solved! And here’s the rest of the lyrics:

There’s a magical place
We’re on our way there
With toys in their millions
All under one roof
It’s Called Toys R’ Us!
Soon after bedtime
When dark nighttime falls
Geoffrey and helpers stock up on the shelves
From ceiling to floor.
Books, board games and bikes
Teddies, puppets and dolls
Bats, spaceships and trikes
“There’s millions,” says Geoffrey, “all under on roof.”
It’s called Toys R’ Us! Toys R’ Us! Toys R’ Us!

All in seriousness, I love this advert, especially the driving part at the beginning. There is really something magical about it. The dark and scary country lane serves to emphasize the joy of the toyshop. Or something like that.

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