Dear Diary. My apartment is a fucking mess, and it's always a fucking mess, and it leaves me wondering how long until I die so I can finally escape this hellhole I call a home.

Here’s the entrance:

Hanging on the children’s pegs we have:

• 2 coats (we are currently in summer - the middle of July in fact - so we don't even need coats)
• 3 bags, one of which isn’t used and has a broken zip
• 3 caps. Why 3 caps when we only have two children???

On the shoe rack there is:

• 3 more bags
• Lots of shoes disorganised and lying around

The shoe rack holds the shoes we don’t use, and scattered around the shoe rack are shoes we do use. Why are there so many shoes we don't use?? Why not get rid of them??

Hanging up on the adults' coat pegs, we have 1 coat, two jumpers (this is July, I remind you, when we don't need jumpers or coats), a child's apron, and 2 more bags.

Why are there so many bags?? I'm going to count them to see who is responsible for there being so many bags:

• Bags belonging to girlfriend: 4
• Bags belonging to oldest son: 3
• Bags belonging to youngest son: 2
• Bags belonging to me: 0

When I open the cupboard in the kids' bedroom to put the coats away, this sight greets me:

Do they secretly own a coat shop? Are my kids secretly running a coat shop from their bedroom? That's the only explanation I can think of for why their wardrobe is stuffed with coats.